Spc Nobody Special's Articles In Humor » Page 19
January 17, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Wow. Those closely guarded secrets of warfare in the Ancient World? Yeah. There's a reason for that. They worked their collective asses off to figure it out empirically. Well, that and you don't want your neighbor to know the best methods of storming your fortifications. With that, I am proud to announce that after only six hours of careful work and consideration, I have built a trebuchet that will consistantly fire forward (when it releases at all) small snowballs for a distance of up to ...
January 17, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Wow. Those closely guarded secrets of warfare in the Ancient World? Yeah. There's a reason for that. They worked their collective asses off to figure it out empirically. Well, that and you don't want your neighbor to know the best methods of storming your fortifications. With that, I am proud to announce that after only six hours of careful work and consideration, I have built a trebuchet that will consistantly fire forward (when it releases at all) small snowballs for a distance of up to ...
January 13, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
No s--t there I was, baked beans in the gas tank............oops, wrong story. I have decided, before I go to Iraq to fulfill my lifelong dream (and by lifelong, I mean at least two years now) of building a trebuchet. What might you ask, is a trebuchet? Think catapult, with a sling instead of a bucket. It is easily differentiated from other siege equepment; the onager, the mangonel, the scorpion, the turtle.......well, you get the idea. Outdated? I think not, my friend. Catapults were...
January 13, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
No s--t there I was, baked beans in the gas tank............oops, wrong story. I have decided, before I go to Iraq to fulfill my lifelong dream (and by lifelong, I mean at least two years now) of building a trebuchet. What might you ask, is a trebuchet? Think catapult, with a sling instead of a bucket. It is easily differentiated from other siege equepment; the onager, the mangonel, the scorpion, the turtle.......well, you get the idea. Outdated? I think not, my friend. Catapults were...
January 12, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Last night about bedtime, I forgot a crucial difference in the two species. The analogy goes like this. Woman's car breaks down. Because it breaks down, she has to deal with crap all day. Taxi company doesn't want to pick her up, her boss gives her shit, she loses a vital oppertunity, whatever. Take your pick. She comes home upset, frustrated, almost in tears, and begins to tell her husband what happened. Men, this is important. Do not go outside and fix the car. That's right, don't go ...
January 12, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Last night about bedtime, I forgot a crucial difference in the two species. The analogy goes like this. Woman's car breaks down. Because it breaks down, she has to deal with crap all day. Taxi company doesn't want to pick her up, her boss gives her shit, she loses a vital oppertunity, whatever. Take your pick. She comes home upset, frustrated, almost in tears, and begins to tell her husband what happened. Men, this is important. Do not go outside and fix the car. That's right, don't go ...
January 11, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
As part of the joys of preparing to deploy, we get to fill out these really cool packets that tell where we keep our wills, who our next of kin, all that good stuff. And funeral arrangements. Did you know that Jedi is now considered a legitimate religion by the Army? I'd love to see how far they would actually take some of the requests. I'm baptist, but I can so imagine a jedi funeral like anakin's in return of the jedi. Burial outfit, my black suit. Or maybe a clown suit. Or nekkid.........
January 11, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
As part of the joys of preparing to deploy, we get to fill out these really cool packets that tell where we keep our wills, who our next of kin, all that good stuff. And funeral arrangements. Did you know that Jedi is now considered a legitimate religion by the Army? I'd love to see how far they would actually take some of the requests. I'm baptist, but I can so imagine a jedi funeral like anakin's in return of the jedi. Burial outfit, my black suit. Or maybe a clown suit. Or nekkid.........
January 10, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
I had a p.t. test yesterday. Apparently it is possible to skip p.t. for six months, work out like crazy the day before, and pass the test. Raw score: 54 pushups, 70 situps, and a whopping 16:00 minute two miles. My worst score in a few years, but meh. The only bad part was the tape test (since I busted weight, obviously). 36.5 inches at the waist, and 15.75 at the neck. OUCH. Was it only a year ago I was cautiously squeezing into size 32s? Sigh......long way to come back. I also hurt l...
January 10, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
I had a p.t. test yesterday. Apparently it is possible to skip p.t. for six months, work out like crazy the day before, and pass the test. Raw score: 54 pushups, 70 situps, and a whopping 16:00 minute two miles. My worst score in a few years, but meh. The only bad part was the tape test (since I busted weight, obviously). 36.5 inches at the waist, and 15.75 at the neck. OUCH. Was it only a year ago I was cautiously squeezing into size 32s? Sigh......long way to come back. I also hurt l...
January 8, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Heh heh heh.......I taught Joy how to knit yesterday. Do you see what you've gone and done, Dharma? Huh? Huh? I hope you bought stock at Michael's and MJDs before you started blogging about this stuff. Joy wasn't overwhelmed with desire at first, but I nagged her a little.........and voila. Give an obsessive-compulsive woman a hobby involving soothing, repetitive hand motion.........and you end up with three feet of chenille scarf in one day. Good grief!!! She's already got down castin...
January 8, 2007 by Spc Nobody Special
Heh heh heh.......I taught Joy how to knit yesterday. Do you see what you've gone and done, Dharma? Huh? Huh? I hope you bought stock at Michael's and MJDs before you started blogging about this stuff. Joy wasn't overwhelmed with desire at first, but I nagged her a little.........and voila. Give an obsessive-compulsive woman a hobby involving soothing, repetitive hand motion.........and you end up with three feet of chenille scarf in one day. Good grief!!! She's already got down castin...
December 24, 2006 by Spc Nobody Special
December 24th, Santa's Workshop, North Pole. Today, with only hours remaining before the largest delivery of the fiscal year, Saint Nicholas aka "Santa Claus" aka "Father Christmas " was served with an injunction, as well as a subpoena to appear in local courts regarding an investigation into the possible mistreatment of animals in his care, namely nine specimens of the Great Northern Scandinavian Carribou. Legal action was instigated by left wing animal rights association P.E.T.A., or ...
December 24, 2006 by Spc Nobody Special
December 24th, Santa's Workshop, North Pole. Today, with only hours remaining before the largest delivery of the fiscal year, Saint Nicholas aka "Santa Claus" aka "Father Christmas " was served with an injunction, as well as a subpoena to appear in local courts regarding an investigation into the possible mistreatment of animals in his care, namely nine specimens of the Great Northern Scandinavian Carribou. Legal action was instigated by left wing animal rights association P.E.T.A., or ...
December 23, 2006 by Spc Nobody Special
Now open for conversation, How bad is the worst christmas rush you've experienced this year? Discuss. Talk amongst yourselves. So far, my worst was when I faced the PX and the comissary this morning. (I love you, dear........sigh..........but now you owe me. Even if I did forget the lemon juice.......) At the commissary the grocery checkout line folded the entire length of the front of the store, than wrapped around three outer walls and well into the produce section. Past tale...