Next time you watch the olympics, take a close look at the marathon runners face. Look familiar...No? Try walking into a drug rehab or a homeless shelter where they're not to picky about letting in junkies. Why do we run? Is it that competitive edge, the joy of outdoors, or just the potential to someday be skinnier than Sgt. Dissapears When You Look at Him Sideways.\ HELL NO! You do it because it gets you high. Don't believe the science version of naturally released dopamines and i...

I love deer, really....One of my earliest movie experiences was a showing of Bambi when I was tiny in the 70's. I like deer aesthetically, there graceful...elegant, they go well in chili or on a sandwich. But this time, it's the deer who declared war on me. Given the fact that Copperas Cove, Tx. is just outside of Ft. Hood, it is still a nice place to live....a bit draconian from ex-military law enforcement and councilmen, but nice. But much like the people of The Village Link the dee...

While watching a movie called village, Eight dollars my wallet was pillaged, Not even a laugh, From huge porcupine wrath, Hey M. Night, where the hell was Bruce Willage?

Day 1 Got up about four, tried to leave the house at five for P.T. They were waiting. Almost made it to the car before they struck. The mule deer. They ambushed me, must have been at least seven or eight of them. Lost a little blood, but I'm ok. Plenty of food and water. I can see them from the bedroom window. They're watching......always watching. Tried to call in deathly sick to work. Platoon sgt. didn't buy it. Send my squad leader to get me, not much left.....just his boots and some...

Good evening sports fans, this is NOT Howard Kossell, and welcome to today, Friday the 13. Yes, and long considered to be one of the most dangerous days to step foot outside of your home. Many people associate the bad luck with Good Friday, and the 13th apostle, Judas, who betrayed Jesus to death with a kiss. Other stories include the conspiracy outlined in The DaVinci Code in which hundreds of years ago, the Pope, using sealed orders opened at the same time on Friday the 13th, to slaugh...

Day 2 Everything is quiet. Tinfoil hats continue to hold, but not nearly as big a help as the burglar bars. They made a rush about two a.m., but it was just a harassment probe. Eating poptarts half a pack at a time to conserve food. Today we jugged the water from the toilet, just in case....wished we'd flushed first. It reminds me of Dawn of the Dead, (the old one, didn't see the new one) where a small group is holed up in a mall, seperated from dozens of milling, brain munching zombies...

Day 4 Got up this morning, relaxed, made waffles, went down to the store. The evil deer coalition has been temporarily crippled by u.d. (united deer) talks. The dumb bastards foolishly feel that force is harmful to good feelings, and that they can talk me out of my terrorist speciest movement. Hostile actions have been temporarily halted while the deer send in sympathetic radical cleri...I mean, humans to negotiate, leaving me free to replenish my Al Copperas Cove Army. Renforcements fr...

A horror all shock and suspense? No girls with big boobs or violence? Yet so scary it seems, That I soon left the scene, To the bathrooms, my pants for to rinse. The opening was scary and quick, Killer ghost hiding in the attic, We all jumped and we screamed, (It was better than The Ring), And my balls tried to hide 'neath my dick. So if you like movies with frights, Take your girl, gotta see it tonight, She's sure to latch on ya, Tight as pants on Maddona, Until all her knu...

Today I did something I've never done before. The polls were open early, and I voted. Before this election, I never thought it would make enough of a significance to even bother. That or I thought both of the candidates were assclowns I wouldn't want in office. But my very strong feelings about the candidates involved, and my more or less direct involvement in the war in Iraq drove me to do what is being predicted will happen in record numbers this year. It doesn't take much to make record...

This is a roll call and a warning. All members of the league of extraordinarily ordinary (not so) gentle people get your shit together, and get ready. You know who you are. Make sure you inventory and PMCS all your gear (tugs on the crotch of his tights and reaches for his flamethrower.) There's work to be done. And I'm gonna write it, just as soon as I come up with an idea. This time we're up against our evil arch nemesis.............ummm..........any ideas? Be warned. "I must go now ...

Hello, my name is ben, and I have a problem..........I'm a cook. (no, not for the army, I'm a linguist, silly........or a silly linguist.......) I got started eight years back, after my wife and I got hitched, and were slowly losing weight on a regular diet of mac and cheese, and the occasional burnt pork steaks. After a little while of this, my sister got me Cooking for Dummies as a gag. Muhahaha!!!! I shall take this seriously, thunk I, and the joke was on her! Eight years later, I'm p...