Ouch....
Published on August 5, 2004 By Spc Nobody Special In Humor
Next time you watch the olympics, take a close look at the marathon runners face. Look familiar...No?
Try walking into a drug rehab or a homeless shelter where they're not to picky about letting in junkies.
Why do we run? Is it that competitive edge, the joy of outdoors, or just the potential to someday
be skinnier than Sgt. Dissapears When You Look at Him Sideways.\

HELL NO! You do it because it gets you high. Don't believe the science version of naturally released dopamines and increased cardiovascular brain activity just because it's true.

The obvious answer is it kills brain cells. Ask any *(&&^!!! idiot who ever was dumb enough to stick glue or paint thinner up their nose. First you get dizzy, then it's like every cell in your forebrain is the terminal cancer patient who "never felt more alive."
They then go quietly into that dark night.......except for the Irish wake, and the New Orleans jazz funeral.

If that wasn't enough, there's the rapturous delight of Mule Deer Dodgeball. Because of the (laugh) urban development of Copperas Cove, Tx., all the deer in the lower parts of the town have been driven on to the hill where I live. Article will follow.
Due to strict city ordinances that Mussolini would have been proud to have thought of, you can't keep them from eating your garden, your trees, your housecat, or making kamikaze dives in front of your car. In short, they are tame, and no 30.06 can touch them.

So, it is with no small delight, when running in the cool of the night, (remember, texas is three inches from the sun...see greywar's article on same.) moving along in stealth mode, to run silently up to within five feet of a deer and yell BOO!!! at the top of your lungs, and watch the resultant explosion.

Dead tired from tonights run, so I'll end with this, it's a drug, it's addictive, it takes over your life, it replaces eating, sleeping, and sex, and all it will ever cost you is a pair of running shoes.

Comments
on Aug 06, 2004
Actually I have done extensive running and have yet to achieve this runner's high. I believe it to exist because my running pal for the marathon was completely giddy near the end of it. I on the other hand was on the verge of crying from the pain after my blisters had erupted on my feet. So I'll add another reason as to why people run: To show those nasty feet to your little cousins and have them be impressed!

on Aug 06, 2004
for several years i was running 5-8 6:30 miles per day and 18 miles on weekends (in LA where the sun is equally close but along the coast where overcast deludes you into not believing it)  i know the endorphin sensation but there's another factor involved that i had to have explained to me after an incident with a dog owner who believed his animal had the right to defend the entire block against runners.   running any distance causes all the blood to drain from your brain.  this also explains why anyone would run any distance.  (the guy with the dog may still be wondering if i really was going to rip his jugular out as promised...and why anyone was 6" shorter and a good 50 lbs lighter than him, dressed only in shorts and shoes would have made such an insane threat...i know im still shakin my head in disbelief.) "
on Aug 06, 2004
So, it is with no small delight, when running in the cool of the night, (remember, texas is three inches from the sun...see greywar's article on same.) moving along in stealth mode, to run silently up to within five feet of a deer and yell BOO!!! at the top of your lungs, and watch the resultant explosion.


Hilarious, good work >8).
on Aug 06, 2004

Hmm while I have indeed experienced runner high (after the run it is very much like being drunk) it was not enough to addict me.... good article though. You are right about Cove Ordinances, they are draconian. Thats the reason I love this town, very fascist and quiet:)

on Aug 06, 2004
That was a good one Ben.
on Aug 06, 2004
Accckkkkkk, real...name......must have.....anonimity......must.....fade....into....wooodwork.....urghhh......(sound of body collapsing.)