This is NBS, reporting all the made up news that is news, here at JU.
December 26, Los Angeles.
Today, in the Christmas spirit of forgiveness, Californian Democrats entered a bill to have notorious Crips founder Tookie Williams brought back from the dead. Tookie Williams, a one-time weight lifter power lifter in the class of Arnold Swarzenheger, was convicted in 1981 of killing several men at a 7-11, and at a Los Angles motel, and was killed by lethal injection on December 13th of this year. At his trial, he was alleged to have threatened to "get each and everyone of you m-f-s", his jurors.
However, the ACLU has decided not to let this one lie fallow. Said their local L.A. spokesperson, "It's just not right. We believe that the dead are being unduly persecuted. Dead people have just as much right to a normal life as anyone else." In response, they have attempted to overturn the State's actions of December 13th, by working to have a special bill passed, bringing Tookie back to life.
Local celebrities had these comments to make.
"I mean, didn't he get over that whole mass murder thing by ghost-writing a few childrens books? I don't think he beat up more than ten or fifteen guys in prison, and besides, that guys eyes healed up eventually." - Tim Robbins.
"Like, I don't see what the big deal is with the Christian Right. Aren't they always going on about how they're so pro-life anyways? I thought they believed in ressurection anyways. Now please excuse me, I have to go have my afternoon stem-cell protein shake." - Michael Moore.
We attempted to reach Mr. Williams himself, in order to see how he himself felt, but all he had to say was this, "....................................................................................................................."
Contraversy continues, but thirteen days after Tookie's death, law makers are already looking for a way to bring him back. Sessions are closed, but a close inside source tells us that George Lucas has already been consulted, only to disappointingly reveal that he did not in fact use real clones while filming "The Clone Wars."
Rumor has it that next on the list is a meeting with Mel Brooks, to verify the current whereabouts of a Mr. Frahnkenshtein, and his personal associate, a pop-eyed fellow named Mr. Eyegor.