Act now, operators are standing by.
Ever dreamed of starting your own biological weapons program but just didn't have the money? Well today's your lucky day.
Why waste all your money trying to mess with deadly anthrax? Let's face it, ricin just plain doesn't work, nerve agents are messy, and hard to get out of the furniture, and ebola? It works great, but it's just not aerosol transmittable, and burns itself out before it even has a chance to get down to work.
Right now, I'll give you an amazing Christmas special. For not 9.99, not 19.99, but only 29.99, you can have free samples of the disease that in one mere epidemic killed more people than WWI, the flu virus. Our samples are garunteed to come fresh from my nose, we'll even throw in the kleenex free!
This strain was gained almost directly from any number of 4 and 5 year olds, and is garuanteed to pass to at least two other generations, plus fevers of 101 or your money back! Each and every sample comes with an instructional booklet of how to spread this disease, such as not washing your hands, sneezing uncontrollably, or even just deliberately touching doorknobs after wiping your nose. Give it to your family and friends, and just watch the hilarity ensue. You'll be the life of the party.
But wait, there's more! If you act now, we'll throw in a bag of slightly undercooked chicken AND an autographed washcloth known to be contaminated with pink eye. Don't hesitate to become the envy of such sovereign nations such as Iran, Libya, or N. Korea. Kim Jong Il will simply by green with envy. Or is that green tinge from upset stomach. You got him too? Good job!
(Influenza is not for everyone, side effects may include fever, headache, nausea, coughing, upset stomach, constipation, pneumonia, excessive breast enlargement, diarrhea, unwanted erections, a strange urge to eat kimchi, rectal itching, and death. Please consult your doctor before using influenza. Use product only as prescribed.)
It's simply amazing! No, it's amazingly simple! But remember, you won't find this in any store. At least not on the shelves. Send your check or money order to P.O. box 666, Wilmington, Delaware, 19886. Or call 1800-YOUR-FLU, that's 1800-YOUR-FLU. Act now, operators are standing by.