Starting a relationship with treachery.

A mini-rant.

Published on December 21, 2005 By Spc Nobody Special In Humor

So you walk out to the mailbox, open it up, and voila. Shiny pink letter with overdue third notice written on it. Oh, s--t. What did I forget to pay. Read more? It ends up being a letter allowing you to "avoid penalties" by refinancing your loan with B--t F--k student loan corporation in Wilmington, Delaware. (always wilmington, always delaware)

Now what are you trying to gain by that? You start off by trying to give me a heart attack, then lying to make me think this is some kind of a collection letter, and THEN you still want me to do business with you? Good frickin' luck pal. You're lucky I don't sue your ass for defamation of character, if only by making my mailman think I don't pay my bills. (Okay, so recently I haven't, but that's not the norm, nor is it setting unresolved)

Or how about the you have won a free trip? Oh, really. What, to your office so you can tell me about 0% APR for three months followed by a shift to 30% APR? The only trip I'm interested in is my boot travelling up your ass.

My frickin' favorite though, is the "pre-approved" loans and credit cards. Forget about all the wonderful identity theft opportunities this gives to anyone bold enough to raid your mailbox and start using the damned things, (they turn on the minute you start using them.) I love the ones that you are "pre-approved" for, then open up to see the words "to qualified applicants and home owners" Wait a minute, I'm pre-approved, but I have to go through a screening process? What gives?

I would personally also like to thank whichever jerk sold my name on a list of having student loan to the different companies offering credit out there. You managed to make going through my mail slower than the bowel movements of a six year old after a rubber cement feast. Bastard.

If only there were an organization for getting rid of junk mail like the do-not-call list for phones. If anybody starts an official, legal action type do-not-mail list, please let me know. Maybe it's because I'm running a fever, but I hope someone out there feels the FLAME!!!!!!!!!

Comments

chiprj

on Dec 21, 2005

HAHA! Did they give you a return envelope with prepaid postage? Stuff it full of out dated coupons and send it in!

S&JT

on Dec 21, 2005

Actually with the credit card offers, most of them have a number on them now that you can call and get off their lists. I called it, and since then, the number of offers has gone from 3 or 4 a day, to about 1 a week or so. It's so refreshing.

"HAHA! Did they give you a return envelope with prepaid postage? Stuff it full of out dated coupons and send it in!"

I did that with a school that I had looked into that wont stop sending me their "why didn't you join?" crap. I tore up their letters, and wrote a nasty note saying that it wasn't any of their business why I didn't come. It didn't work though, I still get them. >

Dr Guy

on Dec 21, 2005

Delaware has the best banking laws of any state, so most Loan corporations try to incorporate there.

I hate those! So much so that I do not open anything unless I know the sender (creditor or friend). The rest goes in the can.

SSG Geezer

on Dec 21, 2005

before the antrhax mailings, fine beach sand was the choice; it weighs more (postage) and it would jam their auto openers, So send em coupons so they can save!

Silver_and_Jade_Tears

on Dec 21, 2005

You could always wipe your ass with the material before sending it back to them. This usually works for me.

Can you imagine the poor innocent employee that opened that mail?

I would love to be there to see their face.

singrdave

on Dec 21, 2005

You could always wipe your ass with the material before sending it back to them. This usually works for me.
A well soaked panty-liner works pretty good too.

Mental note: never send anything to Whip by regular mail. Wow.

Spc Nobody Special

on Dec 23, 2005

Stuff it full of out dated coupons

But.....I was saving those.

before the antrhax mailings, fine beach sand was the choice; it weighs more (postage) and it would jam their auto openers

It's still not illegal to mail sand is it? As long as you label it so no-one thinks it's a terrorist scare.

A well soaked panty-liner works pretty good too.

I think I'm going to send you a nasty letter about your scatalogical mindset........oh, maybe not.

I would love to be there to see their face.

Yeah, but you'd also want to watch their hands..........

Mental note: never send anything to Whip by regular mail. Wow.

No joke.

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