Blessed are the meek, for they shall not be flipped the bird.....
Published on December 13, 2005 By Spc Nobody Special In Humor
Once again inspired by a nutball driver while I'm out running, here's a thought. Plus I have time while I have to wait for my clothes to dry. Do you drive like a Christian?

One of my worst experiences in a church, was visiting a large church after moving, while looking around for a new church home. Big place, overly impersonal, the kind of place you get that people are going to be seen, not to worship. But what really did it for me was when I tried to leave.

After church let out, I went to my car in their large visitors section and put it in reverse. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. For close to twenty minutes, nobody would even have the decency to pause on their way out and let me out of my parking space. By the time I finally got out, I was so mad, I was raving and swearing I'd never go back there again. Some worship experience, huh?

So you think you're a christian.....(or buddhist/taoist/hindu/good person of some kind) do you drive like it? No, I'm not saying you have to drive like Jesus. He was perfect, and plus he didn't have to take the bridges. Are you forgiving? When that guy cuts you off, I'm sure the first words out of your mouth are "Bless you." Right. Don't forgive seven times, but seventy times seven, right?

Do you obey the laws set before you when they don't contrast with your faith? That's in there. Yep. New testament even. Speeding is a sin. Tailgating too. (Actually, I wish that one was a mortal sin.........) You only thought you were joking that you were going to hell for cutting off that driver.........

Are you meek? Not in that SUV you're not. Be a polite driver, let the other guy in. After all, love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not running other people off onto the shoulder. You can make sacrifices every day, and you don't even need an altar.

Be not boastful, be not proud. Yes, I'm looking at you mister throbbing bass with the tinted windows and the two thousand dollar rims.......

Then there's security. You are to be as cunning as wolves, and as gentle as doves. This means locking your doors and windows, and using your alarm so you don't end up in a fistfight with the guy stealing your stereo. Remember to render unto Texaco that which is Texaco's. Don't drive off from the pumps. That's just wrong.

How 'bout the one, where if you have a grief with your brother, you're supposed to take care of it before you worship? I think this one's a good one for driving. Driving angry? Bad idea. Remember to drive with all your heart and all your soul and all your might, and lean not to your own understanding. Pay attention. I'm running out there. The road is not a place to eat, drink, be merry, or talk on the cell phone, read the bills, put on pantyhose (yes I've seen someone do this while driving.), apply makeup, or shave. Singing along with the radio is okay. Especially if it's gospel.

Finally, drive like you know the rapture's coming and you know you haven't got your act together. Is it really worth darting out into that lane to save thirty seconds, if you thought you might have to face God as a result? Guess what. If your car dies on you while you're shooting across that road, you and several other people (although admittedly, probably not the driver of that semi-truck) are going to get to meet your maker.

Again, blessed are the meek, for they shall not get flipped the bird, but shall inherit the right lane of 190 East. And by not pushing their cars, they shall get good milage forever and ever providing they remember to change their spark plugs, and their oxygen sensors hold out. Amen.

P.S. And judge not less ye yourselves be judged........oh crap. I'm gonna get a plague of locusts for this one...................

Comments
on Dec 13, 2005
Awesome article. You make a great point. It always amazes me when I see people with little fishes on their cars acting like demons on the roads. What a testament.

I am definately a laid back driver but I am not out in the thick of it everyday. I just go to Walmart or the library or the gym. And I would never run over a jogger. That's just wrong.
on Dec 13, 2005

Remember to render unto Texaco that which is Texaco's.

Snorted orange juice out my nose with that one...

 

If I had a nickle for every car with a "In case of Rapture this car will have no driver" sticker or a CHOP (Christian House Of Prayer) sticker on it cut me off in Killeen I would have been able to buy Copperas Cove.

 

My wife also has a bit of a problem with road rage but since she isn't a christian I guess it is ok...

on Dec 13, 2005
One of the best articles I've read in a while! I loved the biblical references, that was great!

I often think about my driving. I am not, by any means, an aggressive driver, but I tend to push the speed limit when I can and do some other minor law infractions...
on Dec 13, 2005
Loved it. Good stuff.

Oddly, I've been seriously thinking about some aspects of this in my life lately... :/ Food for thought, and funny at the same time.
on Dec 13, 2005
And I would never run over a jogger. That's just wrong.


Plus it's only worth five points.

Snorted orange juice out my nose with that one...




My wife also has a bit of a problem with road rage but since she isn't a christian I guess it is ok...


They that live by the sword, drive by the sword........

Loved it. Good stuff.


Thanks.
on Dec 16, 2005
drive by the sword


I don't think a drive-by employing melee weapons would be all that effective.
on Dec 16, 2005
I don't think a drive-by employing melee weapons would be all that effective.


Well, traditionally the lance would be more appropriate.