Well, it's not hell, but my personal purgatory has frozen over. Killeen's turned into an iceball. Freezing precipitation all day, and nasty roads. They've closed down a lot of the schools and such around here.
Yes, I know, where you live it's eighty below, and there's fourteen foot of snow before they even salt the sidewalks, but this is just bad nasty ice, and there's not much of a system in this part of Texas to deal with it. Everybody's car's is moving around like they're on a Slip and Slide.
But back to the real story. This morning someone at work said, and I quote "It's as cold as a witch's tit on a brass broomstick out there." I'd heard at least half of that one, but it got a good chuckle. And of course started me thinking. I used to love to collect these, erm, pithy sayings.
In the southern redneck blue collar world I grew up around, a simple "How hot is it?", could elicit an "It's so hot the chickens are laying eggs on their tippey-toes." Or a "How ya doing?" could get an "As fine as a frog hair split four ways and tapered on the ends."
Other favorites included "as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs", "If it rained soup, he'd bring a fork." and the proverbial one legged man in the competition of applying pedal force to someone else's fundament.
Which ones do you know? I'd love to collect the whole set. Please share. And if they seem a little too strong, well "It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing milk-bone boxers." If it gets dirty, and proves necessary, I'll change it to the adult content category in the morning.