and I mean that in so many ways..........
Well, you've done it again, Abbot.........we're swimming in feces now. My wife was doing laundry and going to the bathroom, (that's right, simultaneously, why not?) and the main drain just backed up to my house. And apparently there's been some good eating here this weekend. ewwwwwwwwwwww.
Fortunately, the bathroom floors are just covered in grey water. If you don't know what grey water is, well, I won't enlighten you, but use your imagination. However the toilets filled up, then went down, plastering....erm, stuff all over the inside of the toilets. Another plus, the tub and the shower each have a couple of inches of ....water, plus toilet paper poking up out of the drains, and everything that goes with it floating around.
Have I mentioned how much I love this town? So, having no water, no bath, half the clothes I need in the laundry, and no bathroom, plus the entire house smelling like what makes the grass grow long and green on my shower wall, I call the rental company. I listen to their entire message, get the emergency number. Whoops, did I say emergency number? It's a pager. Glad the house isn't on fire........
Got called back, they paged an "emrgency all night" plumber. He calls me back, and decides he doesn't want to drive out here. He doesn't say he's in bed, but you can here he just got woke up. Good deal. His solution? Go outside, and pull the drain access open myself, so that it dumps all the extra "pressure" out on my front lawn. He'll come out in the morning to look at it.
So now I can use one toilet carefully if I don't mind it coming out on the front lawn or possibly in my shower. Groovy. The house smells like shit. I smell like shit. (guess why, nevermind, here it comes.) I've got shit water on my hands and clothes from opening the f--king drain, my lawn smells like shit, there's shit on my lawn, and a beautiful three inch ring of sodden toilet paper surrounding the drain in a great big circle, shit in my tub, shit in the shower, shit in the toilets, and I'm sure there's shit in the washing machine drain, and the one for the dishwasher, but I haven't looked yet.
I feel like I'm in Trainspotting. You know the scene I mean.
Big help, mister all night "emergency" man. Fifteen minute drive and twenty minutes with the snake would fix my drain, then I could rinse everything off and go to bed. Sigh..........at least if he doesn't bring the snake out in the morning drowning him'll be convenient...............or maybe he'll choke.