Oh yes, and I started another scarf today.

Bonus question - How many skeins of yarn did I ship to Iraq for my upcoming deployment?

I'll give it a go... No looking it up first, right?

1. Name the countries bordering Iraq.  Turkey, Iran, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia.  I think Jordan also shares a border at one point, but not sure.

2. Who, politcally is "the head man" in Iraq right now? What is his name and job title? Do you think he's sexy? No idea

3. Name five major cities in Iraq. (hint.....Babylon is no longer one of them.) Bagdad's the only one I can think of right off the bat.

4. We went to war over WMD, right? Why are we still fighting? We are basically an interim force helping to stabilize the country and train Iraqi troops so they can maintain order in our absense.

5. Who are we fighting currently? (no, terrorists is not specific enough, and you didn't state your answer in the form of a question.) We are fighting mainly various insurgent factions. I don't know the names of all of the specific groups

6. Is the Al Mahdi Army Sunni or Shia? How about al Qaeda in Iraq? the Army of Darkness? Not sure about Al Mahdi, but I'm pretty sure Al Qaeda is Sunni. And the only Army of Darkness I know was a damn cool flick

7. What's the difference in Sunni and Shia? I know very little about this actually

8. What is the connection between Iraq and the 911 attacks? There is no direct connection; however, there is compelling evidence that Hussein supported and trained terrorists

9. After the plug got pulled on the first Gulf War for excessive violence, how many people died in Iraq during the "peaceful" U.N. sanctions? Over 1 million, according to Human Rights Watch

10. We as Americans frequently decry violent "fundamentalist Islam." How many terrorists/freedom fighters are there in Iraq? In Afghanistan? No clue; I would guess the numbers of each to be somewhere in the thousands

11. How many Arabs are there in the world? How many Muslims are there? Not sure about Arabs, over 1 billion Muslims

12. Which sect of Islam is dominant in Iraqi politics? What is the proportion by sect of the Iraqi people? (Let's talk about sects baby....let's talk about you and me........)  Damn. No clue. I suck at this. I'm hoping I at least got the Bruce Campbell reference right.

13. How many American troops are there in Iraq? How many Iraqi? I believe it's 150,000. No clue on the Iraqi troop count.

14. Who's the commander of the American troops in theater in Iraq? What movies are showing there? Greywar/Dirty Dancing and Meet me in St. Louis (much of their film stock has not been upgraded since Korea, them being concerned about body armor and all)

15. What European power held Iraq in it's sway during it's colonial, mucho post-Ottoman period? Probably Britain. Damn Brits

16. What is an Ottoman, and why do they cost so damned much at the furniture store? Oh, I know BOTH parts to this one. An Ottoman is the bus driver from "the Simpsons", and they cost so much at the furniture store because the ad department charges a premium for the letters "O" and "T"

17. What major world figure did Saddam Hussein model his life after? (as if the mustache wasn't a dead giveaway.......) Either Mussolini or Charlie Chaplin...can't figure out which

18. Where can I find tahini to make hummis without going online? What is hummis? Do you know where I can get good schwarma near Ft. Lewis? Yakimandu? Whole Foods / mashed garbanzo beans/ Achmed, works nights at the AM/PM on 72nd street.

19. Name two of the empires to dominate the Iraqi region in ancient times. (think Babylon and Ninevah.....ninivah...nine inch na.....damn it.) What relevance did they have to Saddam Hussein and his military forces? Assyria and Persia. They were his father's nephew's cousin's former roommate

20. What biblical patriarch, important to at least three religions came out of Ur, an ancient Iraqi city? Abraham

21. What major American military units are in Iraq right now? the Green Berets, John Rambo and the Psycho Killer Death Squadron

22. What exactly is a Kurd, and why did Saddam have a major hard-on against them? Besides gold plated AK-47s, what else gave Saddam wood? The Kurds are basically Arabic gypsies. They are nomadic, and live in a region from northern Iraq into Turkey and they make damn fine curried rice. Besides gold plated AK-47s? Palaces? executing inlaws?

23. What weapons are being used with the most effect by the opposition in Iraq, and what kind of injuries are they inflicting the most? IED's, Airzookas and red swingline staplers. What kind of injuries? What kind of question is THAT? The kind that JURT, dumba***

24. Name two major religious holidays in Iraq. Too hard? What day of the week do Muslims go to the mosque to worship? Ramadan and Porky Pig's birthday. They celebrate on Friday (hey, if you're last to the game, don't  bitch about the day of the week. We made the damn Scientologists take Mondays)

25. What are the "hot spots" in Iraq where most of the fighting is still going on? Exactly how hot does it get in Iraq? What is that in Celsius? Are you still awake or even here after reading all these questions? Bagdad and outside Bagdad Hooters. It gets DAMN hot. somewhere between Bill Clinton's trousers after a night at the strip bar hot and the melting temmperature of magnesium hot. Nope, not awake. I done left.

 

OK, I sucked at this. But at least I got Abraham and Army of Darkness right!

Je vois ! Il y a un long chemin à faire pour l'américain moyen pour se faire une idée complète de la compléxité que représente l'Irak... Pour l'info, il n'y a pas que les sunnis et les shiites en Irak... En plus des groupes ethniques et leurs obédiences politiques de tout bord, c'est loin d'être une mince affaire...

Reply By: marouki

Toteche muo rago hes-so? Amu kot-do, chal mot hey yo. (korean...phonetically, finding the proper script and typing in it's a bitch)

Ana attakalum el fran-swa qalilah faqat. (MSA phonetically)

Y tambien me gusta hablando contigo, pero in ingles, por favor. (spanish)

Or in other words, thank you for chiming in, but unless it's a post about language, please respond in the language the article was written in. I only speak four languages poorly, and a handful of bits and pieces from other languages, so if I'm missing bits and pieces in French, I'm sure that others here are as well. Merci.

Oh yeah, and of course you got the Bruce Campbell, Gid. Kudos.

Ana aydan attakalum el englizia -english- qalilah faqat (MAROUKI phonetically)

Anyway i got ur message post...

Here is the babelfish translation of Marouki's post:

 

1. Kuwait, Iran, Turkey, Syria, Saudi Araia

2. Maliki, President, no

3. Bagdad, Basra, Falujah, Sadr City, Mosul

4. No

5. Al Sadr, and Al Qaeda

6. Shia

7. Which son they beleive

8. Both were done (run) by terrorists

9. Roughly 500k

10. Too many since some still live

11. 300m/1.2b

12. Shia/about 70%

13. 170k, 120k

14. Petreus -probably year old ones

15. GB

16. A foot stool - cause idiots are willing to pay for them

17. Mussolini

18. Huimmis is chick peas.  WHere?  The local Med restaurant

19. Rome, Persia

20. Herod

21. Do you really need an answer?  Geez!  More than I am going to list.

22. A grit, or a person of kurdish persuasion that is also not an arab or muslim.

23. IEDs and injured limbs

24. Ramadan, and Saturday

25. Mosul and Bagdad

1. Name the countries bordering Iraq.

France, Holland, and New Jersey

2. Who, politcally is "the head man" in Iraq right now? What is his name and job title? Do you think he's sexy?

Baghdad Bob, head camel jockey. His camel thinks he's sexy.

3. Name five major cities in Iraq. (hint.....Babylon is no longer one of them.)

Baghdad, Paris, and Newark.


4. We went to war over WMD, right? Why are we still fighting?

Everyone needs a hobby.

5. Who are we fighting currently? (no, terrorists is not specific enough, and you didn't state your answer in the form of a question.)

The bad guys.

6. Is the Al Mahdi Army Sunni or Shia? How about al Qaeda in Iraq? the Army of Darkness?

The Al Mahdi Army recently converted, they are now Jehova's Witnesses.

Al Qaeda have all starting opening Starbucks.

The Army of Darkness joined the Boy Scouts.

7. What's the difference in Sunni and Shia?

Sunni believe in less filling, Shia believe in great taste.

8. What is the connection between Iraq and the 911 attacks?

A phone line?

9. After the plug got pulled on the first Gulf War for excessive violence, how many people died in Iraq during the "peaceful" U.N. sanctions?

All of them except the survivors.

10. We as Americans frequently decry violent "fundamentalist Islam." How many terrorists/freedom fighters are there in Iraq? In Afghanistan?

42. 42.

11. How many Arabs are there in the world? How many Muslims are there?

There are 42 Arabs in the world. There are also 42 non-Arab Muslims in the world.

12. Which sect of Islam is dominant in Iraqi politics? What is the proportion by sect of the Iraqi people? (Let's talk about sects baby....let's talk about you and me........)

Iraqi sects is their own business as long as they keep in their own bedrooms.

13. How many American troops are there in Iraq? How many Iraqi?

42 and 42.

14. Who's the commander of the American troops in theater in Iraq? What movies are showing there?

Colonel Sanders. I believe Joe Dirt is currently showing there.

15. What European power held Iraq in it's sway during it's colonial, mucho post-Ottoman period?

Pittsburgh.

16. What is an Ottoman, and why do they cost so damned much at the furniture store?

Something to trip over in the middle of the night. Beats the hell outta me.

17. What major world figure did Saddam Hussein model his life after? (as if the mustache wasn't a dead giveaway.......)

Groucho Marx.

18. Where can I find tahini to make hummis without going online? What is hummis? Do you know where I can get good schwarma near Ft. Lewis? Yakimandu?
You can get tahini at any 7-11. Hummis is a military vehicle similar to a jeep. Aren't most schwarmas in India?

19. Name two of the empires to dominate the Iraqi region in ancient times. (think Babylon and Ninevah.....ninivah...nine inch na.....damn it.) What relevance did they have to Saddam Hussein and his military forces?

The Care Bears, and the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turles terrorized that region in ancient times. Hussein modeled his military after the Turtles.

20. What biblical patriarch, important to at least three religions came out of Ur, an ancient Iraqi city?

Fred Flintstone.

21. What major American military units are in Iraq right now?

Cub Scouts, Brownies, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.


22. What exactly is a Kurd, and why did Saddam have a major hard-on against them? Besides gold plated AK-47s, what else gave Saddam wood?

Kurds are what little Miss Muffet liked to eat. Saddam was really hot for Muffet.


23. What weapons are being used with the most effect by the opposition in Iraq, and what kind of injuries are they inflicting the most?

Britney Spears music played over loud speakers resulting in mass suicides.

24. Name two major religious holidays in Iraq. Too hard? What day of the week do Muslims go to the mosque to worship?

National Blow Yourself Up Day, and Be Nice To Your Camel Day. They go to the mosque on any day they want to hide from bullets.

25. What are the "hot spots" in Iraq where most of the fighting is still going on? Exactly how hot does it get in Iraq? What is that in Celsius? Are you still awake or even here after reading all these questions?

New Jersey. Damn hot. In Celsius? Damn hot. No, I fell asleep about five questions back.

Without checking (at least not too much):

1. Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Turkey, Iran and Kurdistan.

2. Politically, Ali al-Sistani is pulling a lot of strings. He's pretty much the HMFIC of the Shia, religiously, in Iraq. He's got strong ties to Iran and serves as an Ayatollah.

3. Bagdad, Kirkuk, Tikrit, Mosul, Fallujah, Al-Qaim.

4. No clear exit strategy exists.

5. Insurgent elements that include former regime elements, disgruntled Shia, foreign fighters, disgruntled Sunni, rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.

6. The Mahdi Army, led by that sonnofabitch Moqtada al-Sadr, is decidedly Shia. "Al Qaeda In the Land of the Two Rivers" is generally Sunni with Wahabi leanings, especially amongst the leadership. The Army of Dakness (Arabic: Jaysh al-Thalaam) keeps the Necronomicon as their Holy Book; they are known as the Deadites.

7. It's an old disagreement based on who should succeed the Prophet Mohammed as leader of Islam. The Sunnis generally favored a leader based on perceived knowledge whereas the Shia attempted a pseudo-bloodline succession. They both insist they are right and the other is wrong and treat the opposing view as sacrilegious.

8. Seven degrees of Kevin Ba... Saddam Hussein.

9. Far too many.

10. Far too many. And it's "minutemen" not "freedom fighters."

11. Far too tempted to continue the "far too many" joke.

12. The Shia outnumber the Sunni... 2 to 1? 3 to 1? There are so few Sunni Arabs that the Kurds outnumber them, even. The Sunni feel pretty disenfranchised by the whole process, especially since they were used to much better treatment under Saddam.

13. Here's where it's appropriate: Far too many. And then, not enough.

14. You know I'm terrible with Chain of Command questions. Or board questions in general. (That's obviously why the 1SG chose me to go to NCO of the Quarter on Wednesday.)

15. I believe it was the British.

16. It's basically a footstool, sometimes with little roller wheels on the bottom. They're expensive because they figure if you lack the sense needed to not buy one you lack the sense to not pay exorbitant amounts for one.

17. His only role model was himself, no?

18. Whole foods is your best bet. I got mine at a "hippy" food store: lots of organic foods in there. Hummis (more often spelt hummus) is defined as "mashed chickpeas (Garbanzo beans)" according to the handouts I got at the beginning of DLI. I think that was on my first vocab list. It also includes garlic and oil and maybe a few other spices. I'm completely ignorant of the NW, tho; good luck with the schwarmas and yakimandu.

19. The Assyrians and the Ottomans? Ancient Babylon? Saddman Hussein's Republican Guards were modeled after Gilgamesh.

20. Ur... um. Look out, it's Tiamat!

21. Far too many.

22. Kurd (not to be confused with the Arabic word for monkey) is an ethnic division apart from "Arab." They are not Arabs although they come from the same part of the world and much of their culture is similar to Arabs of that region. They have their own language which is more similar to Farsi than Arabic. Saddam enjoyed gassing the Kurds and denying it to foreignors.

23. IED/VBIED/suicide bombs. The insurgency has been content with mass civilian casualties although from what I've been reading they've readjusted their weapons to attempt to bypass our defenses (again) and are attempting to target US Forces more often.

24. Ramadan is a (lunar) month long "holiday" which features the Eid Al-Fitr at the end of it (Feast of Breaking the Fast). Some Iraqis (even non-Christians) celebrate Christmas. Friday (Yowm al-Juma'a) is the day of gathering for worship.

25. They like to say that it's only Al-Anbar that is the hot spot right now, but there are two or three other provinces that approach it in number of attacks. Add to that the fact that Al-Anbar is far and away the largest province (although only sparsely populated compared to some). It gets "Africa hot" or slightly hotter.


And I was actually serious for about half of this.