Inspired by Tova.......this is a joke, this is only a joke............
Oct. 17- Clearwater, Flordia
Anonymous Daily Herald.
Today the widely successful food chain Hooters announced the opening of a new line of resteraunt chain, called Cocks. This exciting new lineup will be very similar to their already populars Hooters stores, first established in Clearwater, Florida in 1983, with finger foods, a beach theme, and no more cloth than absolutely necessary.
However in an exciting new twist, instead of the scantily clad, big breasted women you've grown to be accustomed to, Cocks will be excited to bring you a first in the food industry, all Chippendale waiters. Clad only in the traditional orange shorts and a light coat of Marvel Mystery Oil, these long haired, muscle bound hunks may have big double Ds, but it's all thanks to the modern miracle of steroids.
Hooters has long been a source of contraversy, due to it's racey name, and garmentally challenged, buxom beauties only policy for wait staff. However due to a number of protests, a "100 Hooter Girl" march on washington, and out of court settlements, they have been thus far allowed to continue.
Also, it has been the company's policy that although, yes, the name is sometimes used by some people as slang for certain parts of the anatomy, it is of course not the reason for the store name. In fact, it is taken from the store logo, an owl with large eyes, promenently displayed on the front of store merchandise. It is speculated, though not yet proven, that the new store logo will in fact be a proud rooster, sometimes known as a cock.
However, when asked whether in keeping with the name, cock fighting would be allowed within the stores, company PR replied that cock fighting is illegal in many places, and would not take place in their very public stores, however whatever people do in the privacy of their own homes is their business.
Recent hiree, Sven, a former swedish masseuse and sometimes gigolo, "I think it's great. I've been wanting to wait tables at hooters for years, but they'd only hire women. Now I've got the perfect oppurtunity to strut my stuff."
When asked whether the company was trying to attract females to gaze in pop-eyed wonder as they pay big bucks for the comestibles, spokesperson Sarah Bellum replied, "Our company motto is as it has been, "You can sell the sizzle, but you've got to deliver the steak." Well, here's the meat our ladies have been looking for."
At a grand opening of the first store in Killeen, Tx., this reporter was able to attend and sample the "goodies." They had a variated and delicious selection, including an enormous tube steak, beans and franks, sausage and meatballs, and not least, a beanie weenie appertif. Also recommended was their wide variety of fries.
One thing different however, this time I wasn't tempted to drop my napkin on the floor to watch them bend over and pick it up. One thing is for sure, the new Cocks are exciting, they are sure to tickle your appetite, and they will stand up and be noticed, to a gushing out of praise.
This has been the weekly ambiguous food report, NBS signing off.
New company headquarters.
The logo.
