Short version....s' my bedtime
Published on September 24, 2008 By Spc Nobody Special In Humor

Short and easy one before beddie bye...

Did you know the Catholic Church once issued a bull declaring the hippopotamus a fish?

Good call guys, right up there with the whole martyrdom of Galileo bit. Apparently, the Portugese colonies in Africa, (a steady stream of income for the Vatican, despite their failure to bribe the Borgia popish wonder properly, which meant they only got Brazil in the split of the New World. Really, I always picture a Who's on First dialogue in that family starting with, "Lucrezia!" "Bless you." and so on.... These asides are ridiculously long, maybe I should start using footnotes?) wanted a little variety in their diet, plus some real meat to eat on Fridays.

The critter obviously evolved 8 million years ago coming from an oceangoing ancestor, which it shares with the whale.....erm, I mean, God created it 3500 years ago, like, and the funny looking bones God buried in the ground to test man's faith appeared to say that...erm.....crap.

At any rate, because of all the time the critter spends in the water, the proposed bull passed, and hippo jerky and RC Cola (roman catholic pun anyone?) became the primo snack of the day. Also, the gift of a hippo to Pope Leo X's private 16th century zoo probably didn't hurt either. Screw it, I figure anyone who hunts down a creature that nasty because they crave red meat deserves a nice juicy medium rare spiritually sanctified hippo ribeye.

In nombre Patri, Filius, and Spiritus Sanctus, world without end, amen.

Besides, as a PR builder it beats Toquemada or the Children's Crusade......

Mmmm, bittersweet candy,

Yours truly,


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